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Post by Jess on Jan 31, 2012 22:47:30 GMT -5
"I don't give a fuck, honestly. Calm the hell down and we can talk about this like civilized people. Whatever it is you think Amberly's done isn't going to be undone by screaming and waking everyone within a ten mile radius up!" Dimitri exclaimed, exasperated. Though he was telling Tyler to calm down, he felt his muscles tense and his heartbeat speed up; his body was preparing for a fight. Now, of course, he didn't want to hurt Tyler, especially not in front of Amberly, but if he came any closer...
Confusion rippled through Dimitri when Amberly apologized to Tyler, and then tugged at his arm, trying to tell him something she couldn't seem to say. He opened his mouth to ask her, but Tyler cut him off. "Don't you fucking dare talk to Amberly like that, you son of a bitch," he said, his voice hard and low. His entire body was tense now, both due to his natural tendency to chose fight over flight and to the fact that Tyler was needlessly upsetting Amberly. Who didn't deserve any of this bullshit. She couldn't have done anything wrong. She was Amberly. She was--
"What do you mean she was involved with someone else?" Dimitri asked, disbelief thickening his voice. He looked down at Amberly, then back at Tyler, and something in his brain clicked. "What? No. You're cousins," he shook his head. This was some sort of stupid joke. Some sick, bitchy joke. Any minute now they'd both bust out laughing at him for falling for it...
Only no one was laughing.
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Post by Admin Courtney on Jan 31, 2012 23:08:28 GMT -5
Let me just die right here, Amberly found herself thinking. It was the best solution she could come up with in order to solve this problem. Well, that and going back in time -- but that was impossible. She cringed when she saw Dimitri finally understand what was going on. She looked away before it fully sunk in. She didn't know if she could stand it if he looked at her with repulsion. She wanted to go back to the day of the rooftop, and tell him what she had decided not to. All of this would have been avoided if she had just done that. But she hadn't.
Tyler's expression turned to one which was a mixture of glee and malice. "Yup," he confirmed. "Cousins. Except Amberly's adopted, but legally, she's my cousin. Except that didn't matter once we began to fall for each other. At first it was just flirty conversation and longer hugs. But one day I kissed her, and that was that. We hid it. Because she wanted to. Because no one would understand." He glowered at this, not ever having liked hiding their relationship. "I lied for her. I'm a Candor, who hates lying, and I lied. For her. Only to find out that she lied to me. And you," he added to Dimitri. "I guess what she felt for me was all an act. And now she tried luring you in with her innocent smiles and..." Tyler broke off, clenching his fists again. The thought of Amberly sharing those smiles with someone else. The hugs. And the kiss he had just witnessed. Jealousy flared up inside of him and he glared at her. How could she do this to him? "She's heartless," he stated stonily.
"No!" Amberly said, finally speaking up. "I didn't do any of this on purpose. Tyler you know me better than that." She turned to Dimitri and took his hand in hers, squeezing it tightly. She wasn't just going to stand by and let Tyler say these things. They weren't true. She had felt strongly for Tyler. But what she felt for Dimitri was stronger. And after battling with herself, she realised that she couldn't lose him. She'd much rather die. "Dimitri, please listen. I know it's unethical and even disgusting that I had feelings for.. for Tyler. But I did. But I'm adopted," she stressed. "So it's not even that bad! But..." She hesitated before continuing, because she truth she was about to tell would tear Tyler apart. "What I feel for you," she whispered to Dimitri. "It's different. It means more. And I didn't tell you about Tyler because I was afraid you'd hate me. And you might hate me. And I'll understand that. Because I did lie. I'm sorry," she said, looking down. "I just want you to know that I'm sorry. And I didn't mean to lie to anyone. I'm a horrible person."
Tyler stared. The way she looked at Dimitri...she had never looked at Tyler that way. He acted next without even having to think about it. He leapt forward at Dimitri, his fist swinging to connect with Dimitri's face. How dare she look at Dimitri that way. How dare she feel stronger for him than for Tyler. But now his anger wasn't towards Amberly. Dimitri had to go.
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Post by Jess on Jan 31, 2012 23:22:50 GMT -5
Dimitri felt nauseous. The hell of it was, he didn't feel sick at the thought of Tyler and Amberly being cousins, but at the thought of Amberly lying to him. Amberly belonging to someone else. Amberly kissing someone else. He pulled his hand out of hers, running it through his hair, trying to think. "Shit, Amberly. Shit," was his ingenious response to it all. "You should have told me. Fuck. Why didn't you tell me? Did you honestly think-- fuck," Dimitri was rarely one to lose his cool, but he felt like the entire room was spinning. Amberly had lied to him. She was with Tyler. Cousin or not, she was with him. Not Dimitri.
"Jesus fucking Christ," Dimitri muttered, still at a loss for words. Anger boiled up inside him, though it was not towards Amberly. He was just mad. At everything. He let out a dry, short laugh. "This is just fucking great. And I can't even-- I'm not even --I'm not even fucking mad at you. I just. Fuck, Amberly." Maybe it wasn't anger-- no, it was hotter. It was thicker. It was darker. It was hurt. "I can't believe this." Dimitri almost laughed when she said she was sorry, but he didn't want to upset her any more than she already was. I still fucking care about her after she lied to me, he realized. After she used me...
Before Dimitri even realized Tyler was moving, he felt his fist connect hard with his jaw, sending pain up to the ends of his hair. Without even thinking, he swung back, his fist hitting Tyler's perfect fucking nose. When Dimitri pulled his hand away, he absently registered the warm, sticky wetness of blood on his fist. He spit, his saliva pink with the blood that was welling up in his cheek. When Tyler was still reeling from his punch, Dimitri swung again, this time knocking him on the side of the jaw. The pain that shot up his arm told him that he had hit his mark and Tyler was probably seeing stars by now.
He knew he shouldn't fight back. Not here. Not in front of Amberly. Not at all. But it was that primal fight or flight instinct again. Did he stand his ground, or did he run off, tail between his legs? Well, Dimitri had never been a runner. He was Dauntless. Through and through.
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Post by Admin Courtney on Jan 31, 2012 23:39:32 GMT -5
Amberly flinched at Dimitri's reaction and when he pulled his hand out of her grasp. Why wasn't he yelling? She could deal with yelling; Tyler yelled all the time. She could deal with anger, but not this. "What do you mean you're not angry at me? What are you, then? Furious? Or... n-nothing?" she asked, her eyes searching him. Soon her vision blurred with tears as he continued, nearly every other word a cuss. He wasn't making any sense. And it was scaring her. Tears spilled from her eyes. She had hurt him. She had hurt him and now he wasn't going to forgive her, she just knew. She didn't know what to say, and her crying was not helping any.
Suddenly Tyler came out of no where, and she screamed in shock and protest when her cousin punched Dimitri's jaw. "What are you doing?" she screeched, jumping back from the fight. They were going to seriously hurt oneanother. And it was all her fault.
Rage overtook Tyler's mind and he swung blindedly. He was good at fighting, but he had never fought over Amberly before. His emotions were too much into it, clouding his vision. Besides, Dimitri was Dauntless. He was practically trained to fight. Compared to him, Tyler was an amateur. But he was still angry and determined enough to hold his own. His vision went white with pain when he felt Dimitri's fist collide with his nose. He had hit his face! Exclaiming a roar or outrage, much like a lion would in a similar situation, Tyler ignored the shouts that were coming from Amberly. He steadied himself, but before he could retaliate, Dimitri hit him again. Tyler staggered back and lost his footing, landing hard on the ground. He felt like all of the teeth had been knocked out (luckily for him, they hadn't), and blood oozed from his nose. Tyler groaned from his spot on the floor and rolled over, spitting out a mouthful of blood onto the wooden floor. He glared at the blood and stood up, wiping his nose. If his eyes could change colour, they'd be red, because that was all he could see as he growled animal-like at Dimitri. However, Tyler stood up too fast and the room spun. He knew this was Dimitri's perfect opportunity to knock him out. He raised his fists slowly, bracing himself. He'd kill before he lost, but only Tyler knew that was how far he would go.
But a flash of blonde told him Amberly had intervened. "Stop!" Amberly snapped, her sobs gone and her eyes blazing with fury. "Look at you two!" She was standing between them now, preventing either of them from trying to hit each other. They'd have to knock her out of the way first. She narrowed her eyes at the both of them, turning her head back and forth, her anguish momentarily forgotten. "You're both bleeding and you're being stupid!" She stamped her foot on the ground when Tyler opened his mouth to protest. "Get out," she growled at him, causing him to freeze, startled by her fury. Sure, she had yelled at him before, but not like this. She was angry. "Tyler, go home and clean yourself up." But he didn't move.
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Post by Jess on Jan 31, 2012 23:49:29 GMT -5
"I'm not furious," Dimitri shook his head, his voice distant sounding. "I'm just. Fuck. I don't know. I don't fucking know. I can't believe-- shit. I just. Shit," he knew he wasn't making any sense. He knew he wasn't finishing any statements. But his mind was so cluttered and disorganized, it was a wonder he could find any words at all, even if most of them were "shit" and "fuck." "Just... fuck, Amberly," he shook his head again.
Disgusting satisfaction filled Dimitri when he watched Tyler hit the floor and spit out a mouthful of blood. Good. The bastard deserved it, coming at him like that. As if it was his fucking fault he had ruined his incestuous relationship with Amberly. As if any of this is my fucking fault... When Tyler stood again, Dimitri felt himself lurching forward to knock him back down, but Amberly had stepped in between them and was yelling at the both of them. He dropped his fists, dumbfounded. What the hell was wrong with her? What did she expect to happen, honestly? She must have wanted this. Right?
When Tyler didn't leave, Dimitri straightened up. "You know what? I'll go. This is just... fuck," he rubbed the back of his neck, willing himself not to start crying. Although he had offered to leave, he made no move towards the door. He didn't know what he wanted.
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Post by Admin Courtney on Feb 1, 2012 0:01:11 GMT -5
"No!" Amberly shouted at a Dimitri, and then blushed. She hadn't meant to yell at him; she had just been caught up in her anger at their fighting. "I mean, no. Don't leave," she said softly. If he left, then what? They would be in a fight. And they would probably avoid each other at school. And then when they wanted to talk they wouldn't get a chance to because they'd be at school. And then nothing would happen between them ever again. If he walked out that door, she knew that she would lose him forever. She gazed at him pleadingly, ready to beg if she had to. She didn't care if she looked pathetic.
"Let him go if he wants to, Amberly," Tyler said to her. He had relaxed only slightly, his eyes still on Dimitri. He stepped towards Amberly and put a hand on her shoulder, brushing a loose strand of her hair behind her ear as he stood close behind her. Possessively close. He wiped more blood from his face with his free hand.
At Tyler's touch, Amberly winced away from him, then spun around without thinking. Next thing she knew, her hand had collided with his face, leaving a bright red hand print on his left cheek. She stared at him in wild shock as he staggered back a step from the force of her slap and from the shock of her actually hitting him. Amberly had never been violent towards anyone. Ever.
"Leave," Amberly spoke, her voice amazingly calm. Her hand stung, but she did her best to ignore it. Tyler was infuriating her. He had called her terrible names. She might have deserved some of them, but he was being downright awful to her, and he had started that fight with Dimitri. It was his own fault that his pretty face was bleeding. He was lucky it wasn't broken.
"Fine," Tyler said spitefully. "But when your tall, blonde Dauntless toy turns you down, you know where I'll be." And with that, he was gone, leaving Amberly terrified to turn away from the door. She was scared that somehow, Dimitri wouldn't be there. Or worse: he'd tell her he hated her.
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Post by Jess on Feb 1, 2012 0:18:04 GMT -5
Dimitri opened his mouth to speak again, but found that he had used up his quota of words for the day. He was just so exhausted. So he didn't even try to speak. He just stood there, watching Amberly reject Tyler again and push him away. He wanted to laugh when she slapped him across the face, but he seemed to have used all his laughter up, too.
Everything was just dull and dead. Dimitri's head was pounding, and he felt like he was submerged in a hundred feet of water. He watched Tyler leave with a sort of numb satisfaction, but he couldn't say he was glad he was gone. Amberly just stood there, staring out the door. Dimitri wondered dismally if she had regretted her choice. If she wanted Tyler back. He couldn't see why she would after all the nasty names he called her, but then again, he didn't understand why she had wanted him in the first place. What could posses someone to have romantic feelings for their cousin? Adopted or not. Especially someone as foul as Tyler was.
Then again, Dimitri wasn't sure what possessed her to want him in the first place. Or if he had shattered it like he'd shattered Tyler's nose. Even in his detached state, he knew he still cared for her. Whatever she had done, there didn't seem to be any chance of him forgetting her and how she made him feel.
He wanted nothing more than to hate her for that.
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Post by Admin Courtney on Feb 1, 2012 0:24:55 GMT -5
Soon enough, the silence began to eat away at her, and Amberly couldn't stand it. She was forced to listen to her own thoughts in the soundless room, and they would only drive her insane. Too many what ifs and more than enough possible outcomes being created. Finally, Amberly broke the silence, her voice soft. She tried to sound normal. She tried to sound strong. But she wasn't. Not when faced with this.
"Dimitri," she whispered, her shoulders slumping. Her back was still turned to him. She was still afraid to turn around, to see his reaction. She wasn't even entirely sure that he was still there. "If you hate me, you can say it. I'd rather here it now. Tyler's already torn off pieces of me. I'd deserve it if you tore at the rest. I'd rather you do it now, anyways, than later when I'm repaired." She closed her eyes, her tears stinging her eyes. She didn't sob. She was in control. Her tears just silently fell sliding smoothly down her cheeks onto her lips where she tasted salt. It was disgusting. "Just say something," she added, unable to stand the noisy silence that was between them. So she rambled on.
"I know I don't deserve anything from you after I lied. I shouldn't have lied. I know why I did. I was scared. I didn't know how to say it. I thought you'd hate me and never want to see my face again." She shrugged her shoulders hopelessly. "But I guess the outcome ended up the same." She wanted to collapse onto the floor and never get up again. Let me just rot here. It's my fault this happened. Let me just wallow until I wither away to nothing. I don't want to feel anymore.
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Post by Jess on Feb 1, 2012 21:28:37 GMT -5
"I don't hate you," Dimitri said, his voice thick. It was true, of course. There was no way he could hate Amberly, even after what she had done to him. He still care about her, a lot. Though he couldn't really say that he liked her all that much just then. It was complicated. This whole situation was horrible and complicated. Part of him didn't even want to talk to her about it right now. He wanted to go home, take a long, hot shower, and sleep for a year. His head was spinning, his chest ached, and he was just tired.
Dimitri sighed, feeling aged. "I don't know why you lied either. You should have just told me you were with someone. I would have backed off. I don't... I don't understand why or how you can be with him, but I would have backed off. I wouldn't have ruined whatever the hell it is you have with him," he shook his head, still not understanding their warped relationship. "I wouldn't have flirted. I wouldn't have kissed you. I wouldn't have fa--" he cut himself off, clearing his throat awkwardly. "I just wouldn't have. I'm not that kind of guy, Amberly. But you made me one," he sighed again.
"I'm not mad at you. Honest, I'm not. I just... can't believe you would do this," Dimitri muttered, feeling hopelessly lost. "I didn't think you were that kind of girl."
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Post by Admin Courtney on Feb 1, 2012 21:48:01 GMT -5
He didn't hate her. Amberly didn't know what that meant for them, but it gave her hope.
Amberly ducked her head as new tears began to fall, then looked up, repeatedly blinking them away. She wouldn't back down now. She had to explain while he was listening. "I didn't want you to back off. After we met... I don't want Tyler," she told him. "I know it's awful of me to change my mind so suddenly, but after I met you, I realised that Tyler and I was just... a fantasy. It was never going to be real. I knew that. It couldn't be real. We aren't blood-related, but still. Society wouldn't accept us. And I don't care anymore." Amberly swallowed, her mouth dry as ice. "But it was really hard for me to tell Tyler. I was scared that.. well, you saw how he reacted." She shuddered at the memory, doubtful that she would ever be able to look at Tyler the same way again. He had gotten dangerous. He was turning into a monster of a person, and she could no longer prevent. In fact, she was sure she had caused part of it. "You wouldn't have what?" she asked quietly, her voice cracking. She knew she shouldn't push him, but her curiosity got the better of her.
When he called her 'that kind of girl', Amberly had to squint her eyes together and purse her lips to prevent herself from burting into tears. Those words hurt. She literally felt like she had been stung in her chest, like someone was ripping her heart into pieces, strip by strip. Dimitri thought she was that kind of girl. "I'm not," she gasped. "I mean... maybe I am. But I never wanted to be. I was just... trying not to hurt anyone. But I've hurt everyone," she realised, and felt dizzy. Putting a hand to her head, Amberly sat down where she had been standing, landing hard on her backside. Her legs had given way from the shock of realising what kind of a person she had become. Was she really that horrible? Was she really what Tyler had said? Conniving? The bad type of Amity who went to all extremes to avoid conflict? Dimitri should hate her. Maybe he just hadn't realised it yet.
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Post by Jess on Feb 1, 2012 22:03:30 GMT -5
Dimitri shook his head, "But that doesn't explain why you didn't tell me. Did you think I didn't deserve to know? That I wouldn't care? That it wouldn't fucking destroy me when I found out? Fuck, Amberly, do you even understand what you've done? You aren't... you aren't mine. You never were. You were his, and I was still-- fuck," he laughed in a disgusted, dry way. "I've hit guys for doing less with my friends' girls. If I was Tyler, I would've killed me. Fuck." Dimitri shook his head again, pacing back and forth now. Whatever else he was, he had honor. Which Amberly had managed to compromise in two short weeks.
"Nothing," Dimitri said, his voice firm. He wasn't giving her that. He wasn't saying it. Not now. Everything was such a mess. He wanted to work things out with Amberly. He needed to. But even so, he just couldn't.
Dimitri looked down at Amberly, sitting on the floor in tears. Part of him wanted to sit beside her, to pull her into his arms and hold her, but the other part kept him still. As much as it hurt. For a while, he just watched her cry, hoping he could find some anger. Some satisfaction in her regrets and her tears. But he only felt sick for wanting those things. Dimitri shoved his hands in his pockets. "I know you didn't mean to, but fuck, that's not the point. You did."
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Post by Admin Courtney on Feb 1, 2012 22:26:47 GMT -5
Amberly rested her elbows on her knees and stared straight ahead of her at Dimitri's feet, watching them as he paced. "I don't know why I didn't tell you!" she exclaimed helplessly. "I mean, I do know. But it wasn't even a good reason. It was to avoid this. I don't know how to deal with conflict," she confessed. "I only know how to avoid it. Which I'm obviously terrible at, so I don't even know how to do that," she realised, grabbing the hair at the sides of her head and holding on much like a person going insane would do. She was realising things about herself, about the way she was brought up in her faction. It was confusing her. And realising what a terrible person she had become was tearing at her. She flinched when Dimitri said she wasn't his. She hadn't truly been, not since she was technically still 'with' Tyler. "I don't know if this counts for anything," she said quietly, pulling at her hair to see if she felt anything, but she was too numb. "But I was never.. with Tyler after I met you. I should have told him... But at least I didn't kiss him." He had tried kissing her, but she had pushed him away with no explanation. She should have told him then. But she chickened out. And now she was here, with Dimitri standing a few feet away from her, pacing, and Tyler on his way home, raging. "Never mind," she added with a sigh. It didn't count for anything. Because she had still lied.
She dropped her head in between her elbows, letting go of her hair, and sobbed silently into her knees. She felt Dimitri's eyes on her, but she didn't know what to say. Not only had she herself become a liar and a cheater, but in doing so, she had forced an unknowing Dimitri into being 'the other guy'. "Why are you still here?" she mumbled into her knees, her voice sounding hollow. "I don't deserve your company. You should hate me for what I did to you. I hate me." She then hugged her knees and rested her head on them, her eyes finding the lamp Tyler had thrown. It was shattered and unfixable. Useless and dead. That's what she deserved. She was useless. She felt shattered. Tyler should have taken his anger out on her, not the lamp. The lamp did nothing wrong. Amberly did everything wrong.
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Post by Jess on Feb 1, 2012 22:56:30 GMT -5
Dimitri couldn't find any more words. They choked him, swelling in his throat, but never made it to his tongue. God, I can't fucking believe this, he thought, over and over again. The words circled around his mind, tying chains around him and pulling him under. He was drowning. He was on fire. He was dead. He didn't think he had ever been hurt this bad-- except for when Alexandra tried to kill herself. And that was a hefty comparison to make. Dimitri simply wasn't one to get hurt easily. Yet Amberly had destroyed him.
And he still loved her.
God, everything was so fucked up.
"You know, that really... doesn't matter. It's not about kissing, Amberly. I mean, shit, that's bad too, but that's not it," Dimitri told her, sounding a lot more angry than he really was. He was just frustrated, really. Frustrated, sad, hurt, used. But not angry. He couldn't make himself angry, no matter how hard he tried. "It's the emotional aspect, Amberly. You belong to him. As much as I don't understand you two, he obviously loves you a lot. It wasn't right to put me in the middle of that. To make me the other guy. The asshole. You put me in the wrong when I didn't even know. You used me. Do you know how that feels?" Dimitri felt his throat thicken, like he was going to cry. Did she ever even like me at all? "You used me."
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Post by Admin Courtney on Feb 1, 2012 23:08:38 GMT -5
"No," Amberly said, sniffing. His words this time around had a larger effect on her than before. She stood up, stepping out of the self-pity, self-hating mode she had allowed herself to sunk into. This wasn't about her. This about Dimitri and what she was putting him through. What she allowed to happen. "Two things you just said, Dimitri. They're wrong," she told him, straightening up. She looked at him now, forcing herself. She couldn't hide from this. She couldn't make it go away by wishing it away. She had to face this. She had to deal with it. It was against what she had learned growing up in Amity, but she knew it was right. "First of all, I am not Tyler's. I was, yes. But I'm not anymore. He's not mine. I'm not his. I'm never going to be. Not again. No matter what else happens, what Tyler and I had... it's gone." It hurt to say. She had felt strongly for Tyler, and seeing that be blown out the door tore at her. But she was willing to let it go. She could let Tyler go. But she couldn't let Dimitri go. She needed him. Whether it was up to her or not, she chose Dimitri. She wanted him to be hers. She wanted to be his. "And second..." She looked at him sadly, ashamed at herself for what he thought she had done. But she was adamant. He had to know. "Dimitri, I didn't use you. If I had used you, I wouldn't care about you. I wasn't just pretending to like you. Everything I felt -- everything I feel for you. It's more real than anything I've ever felt. And I'm not just saying that. I would never use you, so please don't think I did.: She paused, swallowed, and added. "But that doesn't mean what I did was right. I know," she said quietly. "But I didn't use you," she said again, her voice a low whisper now. He just had to understand that. "You don't use someone you love."
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Post by Jess on Feb 2, 2012 20:24:22 GMT -5
"Enlighten me, then," Dimitri muttered. He sounded awfully sarcastic, but he was just too tired for this. The girl standing in front of him was a complete stranger, and he knew that now. They had rushed into things too fast, hadn't they? He barely knew her. Obviously. He never would have guessed that Amberly was capable of this. He still didn't. Though, as disillusioned as he was with all this, he still wanted to repair things with Amberly. Right now, that seemed to require him shutting up, listening, and keeping everything bottled up. And so he did.
Dimitri listened in silence when Amberly denied that she was Tyler's. It stung him to hear her say that she was, even in past tense, but he didn't show it. His face remained as placid as ever. She could be talking about the weather, and he wouldn't have looked any calmer. Perhaps he was at the "acceptance" phase-- but to him, it felt more like the "denial" phase. He still couldn't believe this had happened to them. They were perfect. Weren't they?
As much as Dimitri hated himself for it, his first thought when Amberly said you don't use someone you love was "Well I guess you don't feel that way for me, after all." He hadn't meant it. He regretted the thought almost as much as he would have had he voiced it. He wished his first thought after the revelation had been something sweet, something kind, something else. But it wasn't. The tears that had been burning behind his eyes threatened to spill over, and, not heeding their warning, Dimitri blinked, causing two fat tears to roll down his cheeks. He instantly coughed, lifting his hand to his face and wiping them off. He hoped to whatever deity might have been overseeing this particular moment that she hadn't seen. Dimitri hadn't cried over anyone, let alone a girl, since Alexandra tried to kill herself.
I'm so fucking stupid.
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