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Post by Jess on Mar 5, 2012 19:51:53 GMT -5
Dimitri stood, too, though he did it slowly, as if he was exhausted or years older than he was. Which, in truth, was still how he felt. "So..." he said uncomfortably after a moment of silence. "How exactly do we go about starting over, then?" It wasn't the most tactful way to phrase the question, but the hell with tact. Dimitri didn't want to play any games. He wanted everything as straightforward as possible until he could regain his footing. "I don't think I can just... pretend none of that happened. No offense."
Absently, Dimitri wondered how long they had been there and if they even had time to start over. He knew he couldn't spend the night with Amberly, as tempting as that sounded, and that it was a long way back to Dauntless Headquarters. If the night had gone as planned, he would be leaving about now. But, of course, it hadn't gone anywhere near that, and Dimitri couldn't bear to leave Amberly without even trying to start over or fix anything. If that meant having to make up and feed his parents some bullshit lie about where he was all night... well, that was okay with him.
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Post by Admin Courtney on Mar 14, 2012 15:58:25 GMT -5
As Dimitri stood up, Amberly felt her chest sieze up with the fear that he might leave. When he didn't and continued to talk to her, she relaxed only slightly, wondering how long this feeling would last. How long would she fear that he was going to turn around and tell her he can't deal with this? That he can't deal with what she did and realise that he was better off without her? For Amberly didn't think she deserved him. Not anymore. Not after her lies.
"I don't ever expect you to forget what happened, and especially I don't expect you to pretend it didn't. That wouldn't be fair to you. I... I lied," she said quietly, ducking her head in shame. "And that was beyond awful of me. I'm supposed to be Amity and..." She shook her head, trying to stay on topic. "But I'd like us to be able to move past it. I know words aren't much right now, but I'm never going to lie like that again. Especially not to you." But she knew that actions spoke louder than words; if she was in his position, it would take a while before she trusted him again. So she expected that from him. She had lost his trust. She would have to gain it back.
She looked around the ground floor of the small barn, helplessly, as she tried to figure out how to start over without acting like everything was perfectly okay. She didn't want to act like she hadn't done anything wrong, but at the same time, she didn't want to dwell on the fact. "Do you want to go upstairs? It's not much; just my room. But it's warmer up there and there's a box of cookies. I don't know," she rambled, running a hand through her hair in distress as she sighed. It was the best suggestion she could come up with, and it was pathetic.
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Post by Jess on Mar 31, 2012 12:30:06 GMT -5
Dimitri wished he could give Amberly more; assurance that he forgave and believed her, the promise that things would be okay between them, something, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He couldn't promise her anything, simply because he couldn't see the future. He didn't know how things would turn out. And he couldn't risk lying to her. Things were so fragile right now. What they needed more than anything was honesty, and as much as he loved her, he couldn't say with one hundred percent certainty that things would be what they were between them. "I hope not," he said lamely, knowing that he had to say something. "I want this to work." That much he knew was true.
"Uh, sure," Dimitri shrugged when Amberly mentioned going upstairs. He wasn't quite sure why she had suggested it; it wasn't as though there were things they could discuss in her room that they couldn't discuss downstairs. Perhaps she was just in need of a change of scenery-- he couldn't argue with that. A part of him could still feel Tyler's ghost lurking in the room, and it kept him replaying their fight over and over. Along with that, it kept him repeating Tyler's words over and over.
(OOC: Merp, sorry it's so short.)
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Post by Admin Courtney on Mar 31, 2012 18:54:41 GMT -5
I want this to work. His words were few, but Amberly was comforted by them. The alternative ("I hate you and never want to see your lying face again") was a lot worse, so just knowing that Dimitri was not going to give up on her and was going to let her try to right things between them because he wanted things to work out... That was plenty. And it was just the thing to wake her up.
Amberly was feeling along the same lines as Dimitri, being on the ground floor of her barn. She felt as if Tyler could burst back through the door at any second, shouting more profane (and mostly true) things about her. Going upstairs would be a lot better. She just hoped Dimitri wouldn't feel pressured to forgive her and forget entirely what just happened, since they were going up to her room -- a much more intimate space than the downstairs simply because everything in there was hers. It was where she slept; where she felt safest. Apart from with Dimitri, anyways. She felt safe with him.
Amberly said nothing as she led the way up the steep wooden steps to the second floor of the small barnhouse. The stairs were so close together that it was like climbing a ladder, except that it was designed slanted enough to pass as a staircase. This made it easier to climb up, so she had something to peoperly stand on as she opened the trap-door like feature that was her bedroom door. She clasped the handle and pushed the horizontal door easily to the side. Because of it, she was unable to put many things in the center of her room, but it was practical enough. She liked the privacy her barn offered. Amberly climbed quickly through and waited for Dimitri to follow. She would leave the door open -- her parents were likely asleep by now, plus the barn's door was locked. She didn't want to close this door -- she didn't want Dimitri to feel trapped up there with her.
"It's not very big, but this is my room," Amberly said, feeling lame and embarrassed. Before the tragic event that was Dimitri and Tyler catching her in lie, Amberly was nervous about Dimitri seeing her room. Now she felt anxious and silly. Would he judge her now, based on what she had in her room? But no. Dimitri was not like that. He would judge her on her actions. Her room was fine. It was bright and colourful and girly, except for the sweater of Dimitri's that she still had, hung over the back of her desk chair. It was Amberly that wasn't fine. She was dark. She lied. And she would have to prove over time to Dimitri that the girl who occupied this room was not the type to lie. She had, but she would never do it again. Ever.
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Post by Jess on Apr 1, 2012 12:16:55 GMT -5
Dimitri said nothing as he followed Amberly up the stairs to her room. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to her, but that he couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound completely stupid. The last thing he wanted to do was make things more uncomfortable between them. So he kept his mouth shut, hoping she would find something to talk about. Usually, silences between them were anything but awkward, but right now Dimitri felt as though he was drowning in awkwardness.
Stepping through the sideways door and into Amberly's bedroom, Dimitri looked around. It was about what he had expected her room to look like, which felt comforting. He wasn't in the mood to be thrown for another loop. He frowned slightly, almost embarrassed at having such a thought. It wasn't very Dauntless of him.
Come to think of it, he didn't feel very Dauntless at all lately. Sure, there was danger and excitement involved in seeing Amberly, but even his friends had noticed that he was much more cautious as of late. He had something to lose now. Not that he regretted being with Amberly-- he still didn't, even after finding out about Tyler --Dimitri was just confused. Torn.
Once again, it was Dauntless, his home, the one place he knew he belonged, versus Amberly, who he was not sure he could bear to be without.
Dimitri turned to face her, realizing that she had spoken while he was thinking. "It's nice," he said, hoping she had been saying something about the room. His stomach flipped nervously, hoping she couldn't tell that his mind was somewhere else. Of course, he knew she most likely would know. She always seemed to know.
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Post by Admin Courtney on Apr 1, 2012 12:40:23 GMT -5
Amberly felt demoralized at Dimitri's comment. He sounded so detached, like his head was somewhere else. And perhaps it was; Amberly would not be surprised. She had been the one to put it there. No, she did not just put it there. She ripped it from him, scrunched it into a ball and catapulted it far, far away. And now she had to right her mistake and fetch it back before she lost him completely. She just hoped she wouldn't collapse of exhaustion before she made it that far. She would, however, keep going until her breaking point. She wanted him back. She needed things to be like they were. She knew nothing else.
"Sorry for all the pink," Amberly said, her voice an octave too high as she tried to remain casual. She ran her fingers nervously through her hair and walked past her desk, where she purposefully knocked over a photograph of Tyler that she had leaning up against her vanity mirror. It had not been in a frame, so its fall was soundless. She still hoped that Dimitri didn't notice. She didn't want pictures of Tyler popping out at him while they tried to move past this. Luckily it was the only one she had on display. There were enough mirrors in her room, courtesy of her cousin's obsession, that made no point to have so many pictures of him, anyhow. He was over often enough.
She shook her head at the ridiculous amount of mirrors. There were only six in total, but five of them were unnecessary. Oh well.
"Do you want to sit? I know I don't have a sofa up here or anything -- it was hard enough getting my mattress through the window," she said, cracking a smile and gesturing at the large barn window at the head of her bed that she usually kept closed. It was locked most of the time, anyways, and she had trouble removing the lock. Plus too many bugs got in, and Amberly had grown tired of having to call her father out to bug hunt before she could sleep. I really need to get glass for that thing, she reminded herself. "Anyways, if you want to sit..." She trailed off awkwardly and gestured at her bed. She sat in her desk chair and swivelled side to side out of nerves -- having Dimitri in her room made her more nervous than having Tyler, she noticed. And here I thought I was only anxious about him seeing my room, but I'm nervous for him being in it. Not that we're doing anything. Not that we're doing anything, she found herself repeating obsessively in her mind.
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Post by Jess on Apr 6, 2012 14:08:44 GMT -5
Dimitri frowned, certain that Amberly felt offended at his detachment. "Sorry, I'm just kind of tired," he said, wondering why he was lying to her. It wasn't as though he had been thinking anything negative. It just... wasn't the time. His apology didn't seem to do any good, however, as Amberly still appeared stressed out and uncomfortable. Dimitri started to reach out for her, but chickened out and let his arm fall back to his side. He didn't want to overstep any boundaries. He didn't know if she wanted him to touch her anymore. He dropped his gaze to the ground uncomfortably. "I'm sorry."
"Uh, sure, thanks," Dimitri told her, wondering dismally why they felt like they had to speak to each other like they were strangers. He was still the same. And despite what happened, so was she. So why did it feel like they didn't even know each other now? Hell, they had talked more when they were strangers.
Dimitri sat down on Amberly's bed, feeling stiff. As he looked around the room his discomfort and nervousness seemed to grow, only now he couldn't tell if it was because of what had just happened or because he was alone with Amberly in her room. He almost laughed at the normality of those nerves.
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Post by Admin Courtney on Apr 6, 2012 16:15:20 GMT -5
Amberly stared wordlessly at Dimitri as he apologised twice to her. She shook her head slowly, her eyes paler with sorrow. "Oh, no, Dimitri, please don't apologise to me. There's nothing you have to apologise for." She watched as his arm lifted as if he was reaching for something, and then as he seemed to change his mind, and sat on her bed instead. Had he reached to hug her, but changed his mind? Was she so loathesome right now that he could barely stand being in her own room, where everything screamed Amberly and looked normal when things weren't normal? Was she so loathesome that he could barely consider hugging her?
Stop that, she scolded herself. This was no time for a pity party. Perhaps Dimitri didn't feel as comfortable as she wished he would, and perhaps yes, Amberly had caused that. But they would get no where if all she did was mope about it.
"Want to hear a story about this barn?" Amberly said, a smile appearing on her face as she remembered it. It was time to be normal. "It was my first time coming in here after my adopted parents moved in. They used to live in a smaller house closer to the centre of Amity, but after they adopted me, a small house would not do. So they moved out here and acquired this abandoned barn. My parents work in the fields, so we had no use for an animal barn. My father cleaned it out and after a while of it being useless, decided I could use it as a sort of playroom growing up. That would get me outside more -- not that that was really a problem, but they didn't want me to be some hermit who stayed inside drawing all the time. Anyways, it slowly turned into my barn as I grew older. I'd invite friends over and we'd play. But when I was first introduced to it, it scared me." She smiled in embarrassment -- how silly it was to be afraid of a barn! "I was convinced that this barn used to be home to pigs and that they all died in a fire -- though this barn was never burned down, as I'm sure you can tell. So when my parents first moved all my toys into here, I refused to go in. I would cry and throw a tantrum, and that's really what made me take up drawing. I used to colour as a kid, but who didn't, right? But one day I found a stack of paper in the house and a pencil, and I sat outside in front of the barn, still refusing to go in, and I began to draw. Looking back it really was an awful attempt at drawing, but this barn and my fear of it sparked my creativity. I still have the drawing somewhere..." she trailed off and opened a desk drawer, pulling out an old piece of paper. She handed it to Dimitri so he could see. on it was a pencil drawing of a poorly drawn barn house with ravenous monster teeth and branch-like hands with gnarly, sharp fingers sprawled out like it was reaching for the holder of the drawing.
"After I drew that picture of what the barn house looked like in my head, I was able to go inside. It was like drawing the monstrous place took it out of my overactive imaginative mind, and seeing it on paper it wasn't so bad." Amberly concluded her story, her eyes lingering on her drawing, which was upside down to her. It was messy and child-like, but she was proud of it. It was like the first story a child wrote. Silly and not very good at all, but something the child would treasure when they grew up, because that amateur story is what sparked the writer inside of them. That's what this drawing was to her. word count: 677 ooc: Well that was fun to make up
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Post by Jess on Apr 15, 2012 11:19:48 GMT -5
Dimitri smiled to himself as Amberly told him the story about the barn. It took away from the uncomfortableness of the situation, hearing more about her. "That's kind of adorable," he told her, laughing softly. He looked back down at the drawing, his thumb tracing the thick, shaky lines she had drawn all those years ago. "Wonder where you got the idea about the fire, though. Seems a bit far fetched, seeing as the barn is obviously still standing," he laughed again.
"When I was younger-- maybe five or six --Alexandra told me that my dad kept rhinos in our basement. She said that if I left my door open at night they would come in my room and knock me out of the window. She told me that the only thing that would satiate them was oranges, because it was their favorite food," Dimitri laughed, "Naturally, I had my mom install a lock on my bedroom door and I left plates of sliced oranges outside it every night to keep the rhinos happy. Every morning they were gone. It was months later when Alexandra finally admitted that there were no rhinos. We didn't even have a basement," he laughed again. "Truth was, I slept walked into her room all the time and woke her up, and she didn't want me doing that anymore. My mom was in on it," he added.
"My dad was so pissed though, because I was afraid. When he found out about it he grounded me," Dimitri frowned slightly. "Even though I was only a kid, I wasn't supposed to give into fear like that. He took my entire door away. I didn't get it back until I was eight. My mom helped me string up a sheet in the doorway so I could change in my room without everyone seeing me," he shook his head, smiling again. "She told my dad that she wanted it there because it looked nicer than a gaping hole and that I had argued against it. She was always sticking up for me."
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Post by Admin Courtney on Apr 15, 2012 17:54:53 GMT -5
A grin broke out onto Amberly's face when Dimitri laughed. "I have no idea about the fire. But I do now it freaks me out. Especially after the school fire," she admitted, ignoring memories of her being trapped in the elevator with the Dauntless surveillance guard at the beginning of the year. She looked at Dimitri, seeing the memory of his laugh on his face. After that she was able to move on from the tenseness of before and relaxed around him. She pulled her legs up onto her chair so she sat cross-legged facing him and listened as he told a story about himself.
Amberly laughed at his story, trying to imagine a younger Dimitri setting out orange slices and hiding behind his locked bedroom door from made up rhinos. It was a cute image that she never wanted to forget. She wondered what Dimitri had looked like when he was younger, and how accurate her imagination was. Then she felt the urge to whip up a sketch of what she imagined a younger Dimitri to look like, but the thought escaped her when Dimitri continued his story and how his father had not approved of the rhino fear.
She frowned and said, "Well that's not very fair. You were just a kid. But is that was growing up in Dauntless is like?" she wondered, unable to imagine it. She looked down at the picture she had drawn of her barnhouse when she was younger. It was sillier to be afraid of a monster barn house than it was of an animal. She wouldn't have lasted a day growing up in Dauntless. Would she be able to survive there now? Amberly bit the inside of her cheek at that thought; she was not supposed to be thinking that way. She had a whole year... "Your mom sounds really sweet and caring. Very Amity, what she did for you," she noted with a smile. "Pleasing both you and your father with one simple idea." word count: 338
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Post by Jess on Apr 15, 2012 18:08:54 GMT -5
Dimitri shrugged, "Well, I guess my case is one of the more extreme," he admitted. "Dad's Dauntless-crazed. Most parents aren't like him there. He's kind of to the extreme himself, you know? No fear at all, that's what he thinks Dauntless is. Most believe it's about overcoming the fear, even when it's strong and definitely there. I tend to go along with them, really. So, no, that's not really what it's like growing up there at all," he told Amberly, knowing he sounded foolish. "Regardless, I wouldn't have wanted to grow up any other way. I love it there," he said, once again feeling a pang in his chest.
"I guess my mom did have some Amity in her, though she wouldn't listen to you if you told her that. She wanted me to be Dauntless, just like my dad. She just had a different way of going about it, you know? She wanted me to face my fears and overcome them, not be afraid of fear itself. Without her I probably would've been," Dimitri explained. "I sound like such a momma's boy," he laughed.
"Tell me more about when you were a kid?" Dimitri asked. He wanted to know every part of her, to memorize her story by heart.
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Post by Admin Courtney on Apr 16, 2012 17:56:41 GMT -5
Amberly nodded, remembering how painfully happy someone down the road from her house was. She had never seen them frown -- it hurt her own jaw whenever she saw them. They took Amity to the extreme, so much so that she felt they forgot the meaning of Amity. It was pretty unfortunate, but what could you do? Interfering could cause trouble. "Yeah, I guess some people can take their faction's values to the extreme." She smiled at Dimitri and said, "I'm glad you like it there. That's important. I can't imagine how awful it would be to grow up and spend 16 years being miserable in your faction before you get the chance to Choose." She bit her tongue to prevent herself adding in what she thought next: that she loved in it Amity. Dimitri loved Dauntless. She loved Amity. That was not something Amberly wanted to face. Not now. Not yet.
Amberly laughed as Dimitri told her how his mother would reject the idea of having some Amity in her. "Well everyone has a little of each faction in them. Of course that's not the point. The point is who we most are. Your mom is mostly Dauntless," she rambled, before realising she actually didn't know that. However if Dimitri's mom had chosen Dauntless... What else could she have said? "You don't sound like a momma's boy. Not in the bad sense. You sound like a son who's proud and fortunate to have grown up under the guidance of his mother. Appreciative. That's important. And cute," she added with a small smile, tucking a loose strand of hair from her face.
"Well that's a lot of years," she commented, placing her hands comfortably on her knees so she wouldn't spin around in her chair. It's something she often did just out of the pure temptation of it. But that would be silly. "What about it do you want to know? How I used to latch onto my mother's leg when she went off to work and I was left home with my dad to watch me during the week, but he'd pretend he was a gargoyle and scare me. Although I giggled like mad at his gargoyle impersonation. Though things freak me out, though. I can't even draw them without scratching off the page. There's some in the factionless area, I hear, so I don't go there." The words poured from her mouth like they were liquid and she was a slope. She hadn't thought of the gargoyle thing for ages, and blushed at how stupid that must sound to Dimitri, being afraid of a statue. word count: 456 ooc: I guess I should add gargoyles to Amberly's fears on her bio xD
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Post by Jess on May 3, 2012 9:29:15 GMT -5
Dimitri shrugged. "Oh well, there isn't much you can do. People rarely change," he said, then frowned, uncomfortable. "I mean, as long as they're not hurting anyone, I guess it doesn't matter much. To each his own," he paused. "But yeah, I guess I am lucky that I love it there so much," he said, but he didn't sound happy about it. "I feel bad for those who dislike their factions. It must really suck," he added, wondering if he would dislike leaving his faction next year if he did so. Where on earth could he belong even half as much as he belonged in Dauntless? Dimitri was worried that the answer to that question didn't exist.
"I guess you're right. Everyone does have some of everything in them," Dimitri agreed, though he did have his doubts-- particularly about a few Dauntless he knew who couldn't have a single drop of Erudite in them-- he didn't want to argue. When Amberly denied his being a momma's boy, he just laughed, waving the idea away. "Guess it's time I just come to terms with it, eh? I, Dimitri Nikolayevich Krylov, am a huge momma's boy," he laughed again.
Dimitri smiled, "Gargoyles, eh? No, I don't blame you, those things are creepy," he told her. "My dad used to tell me that they came to life at night to watch the streets and hunt," he said, suddenly remembering the story. "But my mom said that they came to life to watch over people and make sure they stayed safe. She said that they were cast off to the outskirts of New Chicago in the Factionless Zone because of how ugly they looked, even though they were the guardians of the night. Even though we exiled them, she said, they still protected us," he snorted, "But of course, that didn't keep me from being any less freaked out by them when I was a kid. I respected them, but they were so ugly."
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Post by Admin Courtney on May 7, 2012 19:23:57 GMT -5
Amberly nodded in agreement. As long as someone wasn't hurting another, then did how the act matter? No. Still, the Amity did not interfere. If someone in Amity did get out of hand, they were just given a dose of a calming solution. But again, that rarely happened. Only in extreme cases. Still, every Amity had had it every now and then, at least a small dose. Especially when growing up, because children could get out of hand at times. Amberly remembered her parents telling her stories of when she would throw a tantrum when she was younger. But she was much calmer now, she was pleased to say. "I can't really imagine living sixteen years in a faction and hating it," she admitted. "That must be pretty crazy and depressing."
A small smile tugged at her lips when Dimitri said his name. She liked how he pronounced it, and wondered how it was all spelled. She doubted she could guess correctly if she tried. His first name, sure, but not his middle. She wished her name was more interesting; then again, she did not know another Amberly.
Her eyes widened in horror at the thought of a gargoyle coming to life and hunting the streets at night. "That's terrifying!" she exclaimed in a whisper so low it sounded like a hiss. "If they are in the factionless area, I never want to go there," she said with a tiny, carefree laugh. She never imagined having to face the possibility of being factionless. If she chose Amity, she was sure she would pass initation. Most did unless they quit or something. "Well I'm glad I'm not the only person scared of an ugly statue," she smiled. word count: 291 ooc: Ew I'm noticing stupid typos in my last post. Like 'though' instead of 'those'. wtf how does that happen? Also, we should end this soon and RP them later. I'm having Amberly be beaten by Miles (I got really bored okay) so there's that. Also DIMITRI TYLER THREAD
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Post by Jess on May 12, 2012 9:50:35 GMT -5
Dimitri nodded. "I couldn't imagine it either. It must be terrible," he agreed, feeling uneasy-- almost to the point of nausea. "That's why the Choosing Ceremony exists, I guess. 'Cause not everyone can fit in with where they're born, although that's probably ideal. It's good that we get a choice. Imagine being stuck in a faction you hate for life?" Dimitri shook his head. "I'd ditch. Factionless or bust. At least then I'd be able to be me," he said. Surely being factionless couldn't be that hard. Hell, it probably was pretty cool, except in the winters and provided you had food-- and didn't the Abnegation have soup kitchens? The freedom of being factionless certainly couldn't have been all bad. Not in Dimitri's eyes, anyway. Lately he was feeling pretty trapped, what with his love for both Amberly and Dauntless. Their little departures from reality couldn't last forever.
"You're telling me," Dimitri laughed, "Imagine hearing that story when you were a kid. Still, my dad was just trying to make me Dauntless. I guess he did something right, eh? I'm not afraid anymore. He pitted me against all of my fears and didn't let me run away once. And I appreciate that."
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